“Hi, I am standing outside the courtroom but I wanted you to know really quick that Reef is going home.”

Just like that, the wind was sucked out of me, and everything went fuzzy.

I sat the kiddos down and explained to the best of my abilities what was happening. Willow lost it, causing my heart to ache even more. We were told we would be called shortly before CPS came.

They called and I asked if we could take Reef to CPS, rather than inflicting another scary car ride with strangers on this precious kiddo. I had three hours to pack everything, put him in my car and drive him to CPS.

LONGEST.RIDE.EVER. My heart. The kids heart. He was clueless.

We sat in the foster seating area, until the caseworker came. He started throwing a fit, clinging to me, and it was all I could do to not loose it. We each hugged and kissed him, and the caseworker grabbed him and starting leading him away.

There, that precious child walked down the hallway with his backpack on, dragging his blanket, he wanted me, and I wanted to run and scoop him up and take him home. Instead, I stood there with crocodile tears, next to my children who were sobbing.

At that very moment, I wondered why we got into foster care.

Yes, we probably planted seeds, yes, we showed him love, yes, yes, yes. However, it hurt. The most hurtful part was knowing where he was going. Wondering, what abuse he would endure.  Wondering, if he would go back into the system. Wondering, if he would be able to break his family cycle. THEN, I ached even more.

Now, we are left to pray for him. We pray that the Lord would shield his eyes to things he doesn’t need to see. We pray that the Lord would protect him. We pray that the Lord would help him break the cycle.

To show a child love, stability, and that there are good trust worthy people in this world, if even for a short while. Our hearts still ache, but what an honor to have loved him, hug him, and pray over him. Then, I remember that this is why we got into foster care.